PT Self Employed Volunteer Pro-Bono Movie Critic... RETIRED

I'm on Netflix and FB WAY more than blogger so I figure I shall retire my blogs on movie reviews. I'm WAY behind on movie reviews and thought to myself, "Self, what if I'm giving away too much in my movie reviews on here?"

Anyway, Netflix will go through FB therefore no one will miss my highly condensed reviews :)

I'm sure this is detrimental to all of you that are dying to read my movie reviews and frequent my blog several times a day ;)

Shutter Island

I was so disappointed with this movie - ESPECIALLY for being a Martin Scorsese film (The Departed, Casino, Goodfellas, The Aviator! Heeelllloooooo!? Amazing movies) with great actors - but apparently Nick and I are the ONLY ones that thought this movie suuuuuuuuucked.

Great actors BUT ehhh acting - more like ehhh script I should say. Leo is a great actor I think, some of the lines are like "Really. really?"
Horrible editing - Arms on top of his head, next shot its on the cell bars. Tie is in the car gas tank, next shot its in his hands, next shot back in the gas tank. etc
Story line - ummmm I think we've seen this one before.

If this was supposed to be some sort of mind game, a "get in your head" movie, I didn't get it. Well actually I was trying to figure out if this was a joke or a scary movie so I guess that was the only mind game I experienced. Definitely wasn't a mind f*ck like The Shining, Sixth Sense, Identity, Jacob's Ladder, Vanilla Sky, The Game, Momento, Donnie Darko, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Fight Club or any great Hitchcock film or the Twilight Zone series... I could go on. I feel inundated with these "Odd story! Odd things are happening?! Wait a minute, it's just all in their head!" If I wanted to watch crazy I'd stare in the mirror...

I don't even think a movie has to be "good" to get into your head - i.e. Blair Witch Project. The hype, people's belief it was reality, the acting, the last scene... not an Oscar winner but a movie people still talk about as if it was an event.

Yes, I did think this was going to be a thriller/scary movie... the ONLY times I was startled: Nick sneezed, extra loud lighting of matches, gunshot in the end.

Can we stop making movies out of books? Can we come up with an ORIGINAL IDEA for once?

My "Chi" Rating (1 of 5):

... The one Chi was for the guards name being McPherson... that is all

Up In The Air

Well...
It was definitely not the ending I was expecting... which is good! I rarely watch a movie now-a-days that catches me off guard.

Not the "... and they live happily ever after" bullshit. But hey, I like a good love story as much as anyone. THAT is why I go to the movies - to be entertained, escape reality. I digress...

The chick from Twilight does a great job. Cute. She's versatile and "changes" throughout the movie. Clooneys always ok to watch. But I tell you if I was a lesbian... Vera Farmiga is one hot piece of ass. Pretty. Great body.

Damn - just saw this on IMDB: Vera Farmiga used a body double for her nude scene. In an interview she stated she has no problems being naked in a film but she had recently given birth and "The breast milk running down would have been inappropriate".

Oh well

Good movie


My "Chi" Rating (3.5 of 5):

Law Abiding Citizen

Wow how long has it been since I've been to the movies?!?

So this was my thought process throughout:

Oh no not another movie like this...

RIGHT ON!...

That's Awesome!...

Wow ok are we going a little too far?...

hmmm...

Ok THAT'S AWESOME!...

The End

Hope that helps! lol

All in all I thought it was a good movie :)

My "Chi" Rating (3 of 5):

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard

LOL

OMG

This movie was hella cheesy... but funny as hell too. Ranchy humor. It was a weird but funny and refreshing balance. No movie will ever compare to Hangover... we have all been tainted. They rose the bar there. But The Goods was pretty funny - many quotes to NOT take home to momma.

Jeremy Piven... I think he has hair plugs in this flick??

Pop quiz: What is the Pulp Fiction reference from "Marcellus Wallace"?

My "Chi" Rating (3 of 5):

Quotes:

James Van Der Beek, my nigga!

Big Ups, google it, google it

District 9

Alien racisim at its finest.

Man, movies have great special effects these days.

The aliens are gross, some of the scenes are gross, but it has a good "moral to the story" as well as action and a somewhat twisted ending. So very different than your typical alien movie.

My "Chi" Rating (3-3.5 of 5):

Julie & Julia

YES I like the chick flicks OK! Don't judge me!!! I like Spongebob too, so there!

Anyway, totally cute. I love Amy Adams. And Meryl Streep is obviously a great actress (I mean, hello!, Death Becomes Her, She-Devil... ;) But they both did a great job. It made me wanna cook! ha... ya right.
They did a good job of making you like their characters.

However, the two men (their husbands) in this film were literally too good to be true. I swear right when I was thinking to myself "OMG the husbands are so sweet and supportive, no guy would..." Lis leans over "There's no men like that." Precisely!





My "Chi" Rating (3-3.5 of 5):

The Ugly Truth

Great movie! Even more straightforward than He's Just Not That Into You.

Loved it! He made some very good points about men as well... and what's funny is they didn't necessarily say "None of that was true!" at the end.

Absolutely hilarious, cute and raunchy. I really enjoy Katharine Hiegle as an actress.

"Flick the bean!"

My "Chi" Rating (4 of 5):

Brüno

wow... um wow.... LOL ... wow

My virgin eyes!

There were many things I laughed at... but talk about "pushing the envelope"... more like a VIOLENT smack to the envelope. At first I'm laughing, then I'm shocked/awed/jaw drop, then I'm laughing again. I'm definitely no prude, it takes a lot to offend me, and this wasn't offensive - but it did SOMETHING to me. Like I felt amusingly violated... ?

I'm not quite sure I would "recommend" this movie. It was very VERY different than Borat.

**Again to reiterate: remember when us women said we're sick of seeing T&A and movies should show men's "junk" more... be careful what you wish for.

No Chi Rating... poor Chi would've been scared... she's such a lady.

The Proposal

Wow I was totally pleasantly surprised by this movie. I heard some semi mixed reviews on it. It was hysterical!

Not to mention... if you put Ryan Reynolds on the big screen I'll watch that shit for hours. (i.e. Wolverine)

Sandra Bullock is totally cute and it was nice to see her in a movie that she plays a different type of character.

You think this movie is going to be predictable and then all of a sudden there's a curve ball.

Loved it.

For Melissa:

"I love Sandra Bullock!"

peeing sound

"To the window, to the wall!"

My "Chi" Rating (4 of 5):

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

Very very cute. Much better than I thought it would be. Kinda sad in parts, pretty funny in parts, but (I dunno maybe its my frame of mind right now) but it just really made me wanna stay single!!

BTW, naked high bongo playing aside, Matthew McConaughey... HOOOOOTTTTT!

My "Chi" Rating (3 of 5):

The Hangover

OH
MY
GOD

I don't think I have ever laughed so hard at a movie. My head hurt afterward I was laughing so hard.



**Remember when us gals said "Women are always showin' tits and ass in the movies, why come they never be showin' guys penises??"... Well, be careful what you ask for...


LOL!!!




My "Chi" Rating (5+ of 5):

+++

Angels & Demons

GREAT MOVIE! I had a hard time getting into the Davinci Code but this movie was dramatic, funny, blah blah blah and I haven't seen Tom Hanks look that good since he was starving on the island with Wilson!

Set in Italy so lots of eye candy ;)

Great for in depth thought or just basic entertainment

My "Chi" Rating (3 of 5):

Wolverine

hmmmm... what the hell was this movie about...


















all I kept staring at was this











and this












aaaaaand this









But, bonus, the movie was awesome! Great special effects. I don't really follow the Xmen stories but throw some hot guys in an action packed movie that isn't overly cheesy and you got me.

You had me at rawwwwr!

My "Chi" Rating (5 of 5):

Star Trek

Space....

Dude, forget all that, this movie rocked! I was never a huge Star Trek fan, never a Trekkie (that's for damn sure), and most of the quotes I knew were from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective...

I was very impressed by the graphics in the movie, it was non stop action, and "Kirk" wasn't too bad to stare at for 2 hours.

And, granted I don't have much to compare it to, but Zachary Quinto did awesome as Spock.

I highly highly recommend this movie. I actually saw it twice... which I don't think I've done since Titanic...

My "Chi" Rating (5 of 5):

Monsters vs. Aliens

YES!!! Finally a good movie!
(Sorry Don)

This movie is hilarious. Def adult humor. LOVE BOB & The President.

The thing I liked about it most is that I can't recall an animation movie that is set in SF - granted they also used MODESTO of all places (????) not sure what that was all about... neighborhood sure didn't look like Modesto. However, the nods to the farm land and the news sign off def was Modesto-ish!!

Loved it!


My "Chi" Rating (5 of 5):

Knowing... SPOILER ALERT

Unfortunately I cannot review this movie without giving away the ending.

I was really really enjoying this movie. I love Nick Cage. Story was intense. Def got my mind off the disgusting Last House On The Left...

And then the ending comes. I mean... I guess I should've figured the end would resort to the inevitable Aliens are coming. Like Don said, it's the "Alien cop-out".

We seriously can't think of anything entertaining to show the masses?

We either remake old movies (just like songs) or in the end the answer is "Aliens".

Some imagination

The Last House on the Left... SPOILER ALERT

SPOILER ALERT...

The tagline reads "If bad people hurt someone you love. How far would you go to hurt them back?"

Well not fucking far enough if you ask me.

The girl gets raped in the woods. I'm not talking about a quick screaming holding down match. It is absolutely disturbing. I have a problem with rape in movies ANYWAY... This went WAY to far for me.

And what do the parents do to the guy that rapes their daughter?
Mom sprays him with a fire extinguisher, dad hits him in the head. Then the dad (a doctor) paralyzes him from the neck down, lays him on a table, and places his head in a microwave - hits start. His head explodes in less than one minute. Is this even possible??? Obviously the micro door couldn't close so I'm confused.

Now if it were MY daughter (and especially if I were a doctor) you better believe I'd go all Boxing Helena on his ass as well as castrating him in the most possibly painful way... like with a butter knife maybe?

Jigsaw from Saw would've made this guy suffer. I would've liked to see that.

This is why I enjoyed Taken so much. I felt that maybe there was a chance the daughter was abused but they don't show it right out so it just gives you that uneasy feeling. Then there is major retribution in the end. Now THAT's what I'm talkin' bout. (Willis)

I did not feel the retribution in this movie was enough.

People may think that the images of a man's hand getting shredded in a garbage disposal or a woman getting shot in the eye would be the disturbing parts... not for me. Rape (and the way this poor girl was raped) was WAY too much for me.

Don and I both walked out of the movie being completely disturbed. I wanted to cry. So we decided to try to "Sake Bomb" it away... helped a smidge.


No Chi Rating
Unless it's a Chi Chi poop

Confessions of a Shopaholic

Starring Michele McPherson... if it would've been based off Macy's and me working at the mall I could've gotten rich off this idea YEAAAARS ago!

Isla Fisher... Hot & FUNNY as HELL! Watch the movie and pay attention to her dance. HILARIOUS!

I really liked this movie. Altho, cliche as it sounds, it wasn't really anything like the book and of course I liked the book better. But Isla Fisher really makes the movie.

**The one thing I never understand in movies is why people don't explain to others what happened. I don't want to give any of the movie away but when people get angry at the person for something they don't even try to explain what happened?? They just stand there and look defeated and cry. Maybe I should try this approach...

My "Chi" Rating (3.5 of 5):

The International

Inner thoughts, by Michele McPherson:


Lots of talking in this movie...

.... zzzzzzz.....

...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....


wha huh, oh I'm watching a movie, oh an action scene right on!


oh, action over

more talking....

... zzzzzzz ....

.... huh wha? Oh it's over






My "Chi" Rating (1 of 5):




disappointed chi


Even IMDB doesn't have anything great to say about this movie...